Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
