either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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