I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
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is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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