this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
