I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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