mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
he thought i was a dude.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize