Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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