shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
