sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize