Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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