No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
