I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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