these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
