I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
