wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
