thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
