You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
