I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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