Pregnant stripper...not hot.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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