She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You're a waste of cheezeits
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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