apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
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Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
how does that bad decision feel?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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