just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
