I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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