Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
