Apparently you make a good broom.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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