he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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