Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You dont lie about slip and slides
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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