I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm really busy with my period
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