Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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