We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
