Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
