yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
