I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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