if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
