New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
