dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
