We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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