I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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