Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize
