Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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