I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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