I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Randomize
