Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
