So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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