the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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