last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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