So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
