You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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