yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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