Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
