C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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