i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
