this beer tastes like vomit already
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
