I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
