hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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