We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
