it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We need to rekindle our bromance
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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