so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Can I color on your dick again?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
