thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
