Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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