im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
