Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize