you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
